Xanga entry again
>>2004-02-02<< >>4:40 p.m.<<

Monday, February 02, 2004

Currently Playing

Take a Look in the Mirror

By Korn

see related

- Counting On Me -

What the hell is going on? Anyone wanna clue me in? Hmm? All I got to say is that I have no clue what the f*ck is going on- all I know is that this is one of the most hellish days of my life. I’ve been having panic attacks out the ass, I’m so stressed that my hair is literally falling out, Jessica is mad as a hornet at me and refuses to tell me why...

Screw you all. Just... screw you all.

I don’t care anymore. I don’t give a flying ratshit about anything anymore. At all. I probably do deserve for her to hate me, if not for the reasons she has, then for ever letting me become friends with her when she knew me and Chris were close. I don’t know him at all anymore.

And I really am trying not to care. I don’t care about him- look at all the evil shit he does and has done to me and everyone I care about. He threatens suicide so often and right now, I wish he would just go ahead and put us out of our misery. I wish he’d just go ahead and kill himself if it’s what he wants so frickin’ bad. He’s an attention-seeking twit. And right now- I hate him. I’m sure he hates me too, but I hate him more than anything right now.

Oh, and here’s an important date for you: Friday 13. Yes, February 13th, 2004 is a Friday this year. And I always look forward to Friday the Thirteenth because it’s just an awesome day... I love it.

Hopefully things will be better by then. No- I know things will be better by then. Because I have a new goal. I will have taught myself to show no emotion- to essentially feel nothing- by that time. So I have a little less than two weeks.

BULLETPROOF

Sending shockwaves of hate through my fists

Feel your hands around my wrists

And I push you away, I hate you this way

Yes I hate you today

Teach me to be Bulletproof

Teach me to read straight through you

I want to be completely Bulletproof

I want to show you- I can’t feel

I feel your hatred in a bullet wound

I feel you sight the middle of my back

And I envision the kick when you shoot

But I’m Bulletproof, can’t shoot me down

As much as I hate to admit it

I’m not Bulletproof, and I still feel

I’m still weak; I’m just as weak as you

But you still think I’m Bulletproof.

Ok. I just read Jessica's Xanga and apparently I am the official "fish belly". I think I'll adopt that. Just to let the whole world know that I am the all-powerful scum of the universe. A fish belly. I do have to say that it's original.

† Jessi is a fish belly, fish belly, a fish belly--jessi is a backstabbing fish belly and im here to tell! That Jessi is a fish belly, fish belly, a fish belly even though i know that no one really cares!!† - that's in Jessica's Xanga. Everyone make sure to go and tell her how great it is. Truly a great peice of art.

And now ladies and gentlemen: My Song For Jessica.

So you say that I'm a fish belly well what the fuck do you mean?

Am I just some slimy catfish gut or what you eat on your plate?

Am I that shit on your shoe or just below that?

Cuz I'd really like to know what I did to deserve the name,

Besides my usual idiocy I mean.

Y'see I already knew that I was scum of the earth,

that's really no surprise, but is there a reason I'm a fish belly?

Or is it just that you're pissed off and I'll take the blame for you?

I'm sick of this. Just plain sick. I'm not going to be outside hanging out with my "friends" anymore. If you wanna talk to me in the morning- I'm in Dr. Sheppard's room. At lunch? I'll eat and then hide in the bathrooms upstairs. So simple, so simple. In other words- if you want to talk to me AT ALL, you'll have to call me. Because I cannot take this repeat of Elementary school.

I refuse to take this repeat. In the words of ICP, "Eat shit and die! Or fuck off at least." -"Fuck the World". How about every-single-bitches-spawn of you take that advice and leave me alone!!!

Sincerely,

Fish Belly

"World So Cold"

Mudvayne

When passion's lost, and all the trust is gone, way too far for way too long.

Children crying, cast out and neglected... only in a world so cold, only in a

world this cold.

Hold the hand of your best friend, look into their eyes, then watch them

drift away.

Some might say we've done the wrong things for way too long, for way too long...

Fever inside the storm, so I'm turning away. Away from the name (calling your

names)

Away from the stones (throw sticks and stones) Cause I'm through mending the

wounds of us.

Keep your thorns, cause I'm running away. Away from the games (fucking head

games)

Away from the space (hate this head space) The circumstances of a world so

cold...

Burning whispers remind me of the days. I was left alone in a world this

cold.

Guilty of the same things, provoked by the cause. I'm left alone in a world

so cold!

Fever inside the storm, so I'm turning away. Away from the name (calling your

names)

Away from the stones (throw sticks and stones) Cause I'm through mending the

wounds of us.

Keep your thorns, cause I'm running away. Away from the games (fucking head

games)

Away from the space (hate this head space) The circumstances of a world so

cold...

I'm flying, I'm flying away! Away from the names (calling your names)

Away from the games (fucking head games) The circumstances of a world so

COLD!

Why does everyone feel like my enemy, don't want any part of depression or

darkness.

I've had enough, sick and tired, bring the sun or I'm gone... OR I'M GONE!

I'm backing out, I'm no pawn, no motherfucking slave to this -

Never lied, never left, never lived, never loved.

Never lost, never hurt, never worry about being me or anyone else.

Not a care, no concern. Don't give a shit about anything!

Backing out, giving up, no motherfucking slave to this.

Never lied, never left, never lived, never loved.

Never lost, never hurt, never worry about being me or anyone else.

Not a care, no concern. Don't give a shit about anything!

I need to find a darkened corner, a lightless corner where it's safe and

calmer.

I'm turning away. Away from the name (calling your names)

Away from the stones (throw sticks and stones) Cause I'm through mending the

wounds of us.

I'm running away. Away from the games (fucking head games)

Away from the space (hate this head space) The circumstances of a world so

cold.

I'm flying, I'm flying away! Away from the names (calling your names)

Away from the games (fucking head games) The circumstances of a world so

COLD!

..::Now the Moon::..---..::Has clouded Over::..

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